Theorem: Suppose NP-complete problems are efficiently solvable by quantum computers. Then either the polynomial hierarchy collapses, or else BQP ⊄ AM (that is, quantum computations can’t be efficiently simulated by Arthur-Merlin protocols).
Proof: Suppose NP ⊆ BQP and BQP ⊆ AM. Then coNP ⊆ BQP ⊆ AM, and hence the polynomial hierarchy collapses to the second level by a result of Boppana, Håstad, and Zachos.
Note: If only we could delete the weasel phrase “or else BQP ⊄ AM” from my Most Trivial Theorem, we would’ve achieved a long-sought breakthrough in quantum computing theory. In particular, we would’ve shown that any fast quantum algorithm to solve NP-complete problems would imply an unlikely collapse of classical complexity classes. But while the weasel phrase is weaselly enough to make the Most Trivial Theorem a triviality, I don’t think it’s infinitely weaselly. The reason is my growing suspicion that BQP ⊆ AM in the unrelativized world.
Second Note: When I call this my “Most Trivial Theorem,” obviously I’m excluding homework exercises.